Thursday, February 22, 2007

Carnival Pookie Awards

I eh know if allyuh remember a skit from "In Living Colour" where they gave out the Pookie Awards. It was like an academy award but the Oscar was a Black man with a Afro and a big space between his teeth. Well when I was in secondary school we started giving Pookie awards in class on a daily basis. The most recognised categories in the Oscars are Best Actress/Best Movie/Best actor. Well for our Pookie award the biggest category was "Ass of the Day".Yes I'm serious. We actually had someone designated to note every time someone got shit up and they earned one point.At the end of the day we had a presentation ceremony where they got a cardboard statuette with "Ass of the day" written on the bottom. I was the one comissioned to create the statuette. Needless to say we eventually got in trouble when the same girl won the award everyday for like a week. Apparently she got upset that ppl kept shitting her up and sell we out to a teacher. I eh know if Jamette remember that, that was one for the books!

So in an effort to resurect a long standing tradition I decided I should give Pookie awards for Carnival.....and the winners (and losers) are:

  • BEST PICK UP LINE : "Hi, my name is (fill in the blank)"
  • WORST PICK UP LINE : "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?You must have good genes.Do you have a sister?" (I kid you not)
  • BEST WINE LOCATION: The forseshore, for bringing back old times
  • WORST WINE LOCATION: The Savannah On Tuesday with no music.
  • BEST WINE SONG: Mestra, "I dare you" (Still meant to say Mestra)
  • WORST WINE SONG : Lil Bits "Ah little bit" I sure yuh eh know it. Sound totally techno.
  • BEST JUMP UP SONG: I'm blatantly biased, Machel....Jumbie
  • WORST JUMP UP SONG: Sha Na Na (Japanese Wine) by Minmi. I will give her honorable mention for having a good soca monarch performance.
  • BEST WINE PERSON: Meh man nuh steups wham to allyuh at all
  • WORST WINE PERSON:The (ugly) red man who jam me and when I politely declined get more vex and tell me "You not a Trini". I told him about his mudder.Is that Trini enough for you?
  • BEST COSTUME: Sacred Sand for IP, Dragon (blatantly biased) for TRIBE, Macfarlane whole band for having big mas and amazing costumes
  • WORST COSTUME: Raiders for IP (ahmm that is NOT a costume), Bat for TRIBE, Golden Era for Trini Revellers.
  • BEST MUSIC TRUCK: Red Bull truck (Can't talk for other bands)
  • BEST DRINK: Johnny and RED BULL!! (biased again)
  • WORST DRINK: Battery
  • BEST FETE: Lara , cause Beachhouse eh have Machel.
  • WORST FETE: Gal Farm ( for all the violence)
  • BEST FETE FOR YOUR BUCK: ONE ($300 all inclusive and Machel? nah!)
  • WORST LIVE PERFORMER FOR THE SEASON: Tie between Zan and Crazy. Crazy cause he threw away a sure win in Groovy Soca Monarch by having his whole performance consist of a lap dance and Zan who only performed last year's tune "Heart of a Man" when rolling with Machel and seemed lost on stage (when he was allowed to stay) when he had nothing else to do.Even though he had songs for 2007.
  • WORST DRESSED PERFORMER: Mestra (I was going to let her slide up until Lara)
  • BEST DRESSED PERFORMER: Machel who always look spiffy although he strips onstage every time cause he sweats through all the clothes.
  • BEST SOCA VIDEO: Machel, Jumbie cause I'm biased and tired see Shurwayne do the towel thing and have the Shiv Shakti dancers
  • WORST SOCA VIDEO: Tie between Crazy (Cold Sweat), Crazy (Sharing Licks) and Denyse Plummer . So I guess Crazy win 2 out of 3. Yeah Licks like fire was a blue screen showing pan with Crazy hanging upside down. I am especially diappointed in Cold Sweat which was directed by REMY who I have great respect for as a director. He did the "To the ceiling video". I guess Crazy did not have a good budget.
  • BEST NEW ARTIST: Oluntunji from Roy Cape.Honorable mention to Kizzy from El-a-Kru (Antigua) for Expose.Her video nearly win for worst video though.
  • BEST COME BACK ARTIST: The man formerly known as Iwer George (seriously he asked to be referred to as "The big man in the business")
  • BEST MAS BAND: I eh getting into dat!! Where ever yuh enjoy yuhself the most yes!
  • WORST MAS BAND : Ditto....
  • BEST JOUVERT SONG : We dutty by Blaxx
  • WORST JOUVERT SONG: Down the road by Machel , I might sound gone against here but I find this song encourages too much slackness.Wining criminal? Any girl I wining? Hells no.
  • BEST SOCA ALBUMN; Machel, Book of Angels. Umm he actually has a ALBUM who else have a full album?
  • BEST COLLABORATION:Machel and Patrice for "Light it up". I did not say Kees and Nadia Batson for "My Land" SIMPLY because they sing "Open the Gate" in their chorus and I still confused how that could be if Shurwayne have a song with the same name and they both end up in the soca finals.Go figure.
  • WORST COLLABORATION: Tie! Sizzla and Machel, Higher than high remix. That song is too too.Sizzla stick to dancehall. Bunji and Faye Ann for "The Lyrics King and the Lyon Empress". Are they really serious though? Do they really think the general public give a shit about how in love they are?
  • BEST FEMALE ARTIST: As much as it pains me...Mestra. Like who else though, at least she always tries to give her all.
  • BEST MALE ARTIST: Machel, Duh!
  • EAT A FOOD AWARD: Machel for AC 5. He must be make a million dollars.
  • LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: Saucy Wow Belfon for her contribution to the art of wining and having the belly to put on white spandex and wine down.

I can't think of any more categories but feel free to suggest some. All winners can contact me for your Pookie and the prize package of Crix and Dixie Biscuits.


-:¦:-•:*''''*:•.-:¦:-•* cb *•-:¦:-•:*''''*:•-:¦:- said...

Ahhahahahahahaah! Sadly, however, those "worst" awards are highly deserving.

Jamette said...


My best pick up line was 'Hi, do you talk to stangers? Well neither do I' then he stand up and wait for me to talk to him and i walk

Best wine song...wham to you...blazer...hold on tight wo baby doh let go...bounce it fas den bounce it slow...steups...destra?!

Best drink for real...uncle johnny where have you been all my life!?! I used to think i would get drunk if i drink whiskey....that thought is out da door from this year! Speaking of which i bought a bottle of johhny for a christmas lime i had and i see my father take it and have it in his liquor collection and i can't go back and ask him back for it because he will want to know what i want it for like is not my money spend...hmmm...because i am not a big woman and shouldn't feel shame to let my father know that is my uncle johnny ent!

I thought Iwer asked to be known as 'Mashing up fete', the man formerly known as Iwer. he tell somebody, yuh ain't hear meh say meh new name or what? mashing up fete! Dat mad.

My friend was laughing at Bunji and Faye Ann saying they acting like they are the first and only ppl to ever get married, ever. How faye Ann is the first wife in the but i like de song though

I had the same thoughts about Machel down de road/ criminal. I figured it would encourage all the real criminals....but ah still like de song *uncle johnny influencing my likes too here or what?*

And hells yes give that award to Saucy, white spandex, a jingle belt, hang it BELOW her...belly AND wine down.

Oh shucks I have an award!!!

How bout Biggest fete stopper for the drunk girl who thought she should climb up on the wall in the vale party and fall off!! Had to call ambulance and ting for her...stop de fete for a good half hour because they trying to be concerned. Ppl in the party like 'this is sad and all but wha she was doing on de wall...start de dance!!'...because it was going so good.

And no i don't remember these awards in school...i doh know what allyuh was doing yes, concocting all these schemes

Carnival Jumbie said...

Ok this was in like 2J so that was before we were in the same class, you were in K ent? But yeah we get in real trouble for that.That was somewhere before we cut that girl hair and after we switch classes that time for April fool's lolol.

ttfootball said...

Lawd wha school allyuh went boy?!

Anyways, this post was real kicks, agree agree agree!
Love the name "eat a food" award LOL LOL
And yuh couldn't pick anybody but Saucy Wow Belfon... doh forget she had on a helmet too! HAHAHAHAAA

Carnival Jumbie said...

Aye we went Convent during what we affectionately refer to as "The Ghetto years" lololol

SocaDiva said...

jumbie you sound like you was a real trouble maker in school lol. Anyway i real like that criminal song by machel but then again i doh really listen to the lyrics just the beat hmmmm....

And i like el-a-kru's song Expose and i don't find the video that bad :S but thats just me anyway the rest of the awards are rightfullly given

Jamette said...

DEM was real trouble...after that switching class scene when they get all of us in trouble and we had to stand in the sun i think that was it for me and the schemes, well except for the year after when we set up the broken tiles in the hallway to watch ppl fall...but if i remember correctly i think they were involved in that, or the year after that when we get in trouble for calling Spikolal or the time we make that new young nun cry or...hmmm never mind i guess I going to hell too

Carnival Jumbie said...

yeah them tiles was our idea. Yeah by Ms Brown get pelt in she head with that Spikolal drama.

ttfootball said...

ah yes the infamous sun punishment haha. my class was so bad in form 1 (we get in trouble 1st day of school) they try to split us up in form 2 but all it do was spread the trouble to the good classes LOL

Hottie Hottie said...

BOI BOI BOI! Dis funny like hell girl! And I agree with everything. And ah love de name Mestra, "boys boys, turn dong de fog, my fans can't see me" Garcia. Bwa ha haah!

Hottie Hottie said...

None ah allyuh ever flood allyuh classroom doh...