Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Soca Diva the Soca Star

Is over a year now I telling my boo boo bear that he had to bring a song for me and let me sing some soca for the season. I feel I had to make some money and I could make a real good Soca Star. I tell him all I need is a good song and a gimmick/trademark. It could be a new wine, a signature look something and I go do the rest. I eh bound to make it a career either. I could be very content being a one hit wonder and eat a food and like myself.

Most of would know about last Synergy Soca Star winner..Fireball. I real glad for he. From the beginning he really was a front runner. The song he won with is a best tune (with a bes' video) and his 2007 tune is already a favourite of mine and is getting heavy rotation on the airwaves. The man drop he tune FIRST for the season too eh. So, I watching Synergy Soca Star on T.V and nothing described this year auditions better than one of the finalists who sang "Tell me why yuh doing that". Cause I really wanted to know why some of them people who audition was doing that at all. Whole time I watching it, I telling him, "buh is best I go and sing a soca too..." Some of them was real lacking. It is as if they see a get rich quick opportunity and looking to try they hand. I doh think you should even attempt to risk embarrassment like that unless you really passionate about what you doing. Some of them come real vikey vie and completely unprepared and coming to song. Boy when I drop my demo so, I coming in full Stage attire (hopefully with a better stylist than Destra) and full song down pat!! Fully produced Cd the works, I eh taking it for no joke.

Buh doh get tie up!!! I have experience!!!Aye aye! Saucy jogged my memory when she asked what school I went to. Well FYI , I went to St.Joseph's Convent,Port-of-Spain.You have to say the whole ting jus so eh lololol. Oh gosh , I know allyuh disappointed and I sure a few ppl rolling up their eye. But I have always maintained that my year group was decidedly different to what the Convent girl stereotype maintains. For one, we was kinda ghetto.It really have more black ppl in the school than white ppl just so yuh know. And the majority did not come from rich /upperclass backgrounds. My squad was one set of JOKERS. My CLASS was a set of Jokers. Buh anyhow..back to experience!!

So every year , like most schools we have Carnival celebrations. This is a big deal in my school cause we have a calypso competition jointly with CIC. So on that Carnival Friday ppl excited cause the boys coming over!!My friends and I being the idiots that we were, decided we were sick and bored of the traditional calypso and we wanted to hear some SOCA!! So although none of us were particularly musically inclined, we wrote a song called the 'Convent Wave'.(original huh). It was based on the current controversy at the time which was copryright infringement on songs. The song started off sounding like a traditional calypso and then the choruses was a sudden change in hype with the words to different soca tunes changed. It then went back suddenly to being a regular slow calypso and choruses again with hype.We auditioned the tune for the judges and they were floored. However, they felt we had too much hype for the competition. Also because of the overt borrowing from other tunes they felt it was not original enough for the competition. That and the changes in the tune were so frequent it really had no real structure.We were asked to perform as a 'special guest' along with another older group while the results were tabulating. I feel is more cause our group always won our other wildly popular competition , the lip sync and they were just scared we would win with that jokey song.But the performance was to be our last hurrah as a performing troupe and we wanted to go out with a bang, so we agreed.

So with our song in the show, the next challenge was how we were going to pull off the performance without embarrassing ourselves. As I said, it would not be just our school (as with the lip sync) but the boys too! Can I tell you we were terrified! If we messed it up we would be laughing stocks of our school AND theirs. We would never live it down!So our solution...aha! Reverse psychology!! We make it look like we are INTENTIONALLY embarrassing ourselves so we can blame it on the act if things go badly! LOLOL . So we put out an open call to the year group for the most ridiculous 80s clothes that everyone could find. Well boy!! My contribution was a irridescent dhoti suit which our superblue impersonater wore. My kit was a multi coloured parero with a fringe and a YELLOW acid wash jeans with zippers up the back (that i had to lie down to get into) .

So on the day of the show we sucked it up, said a prayer and went on stage...We walk on in these ridiculous outfits and ppl laughing one time. But we expression DEAD serious eh. Nose up in the air very prim and proper.So we start off the song slow. I was one of the ole time 'backup singers' you does see on Calypso Monarch and ting. We had the side to side dance down pat ! It went something like this (I serious eh)....

It have a new style in T&T (pum pie, pum pa pie)
Everybody tiefin ppl line for free (pum pie,pum pa pie)
Alvin Daniel start copyright association..to try and fix the situation

But Alvin could go ahead and screw...
He can't stop the Convent Crew.....
Yuh know why? Yuh know why? We in the same thing too..

Chorus?
(Raise the tempo, raise the tempo, raise the tempo.)
One! Two! One ,two, three, four!
[Superblue] It's Carnival! It's Carnival!It's Bachannal! It's Bachannal!
Carnival, Carnival, Bachannal, Bachhanl, Humph!

Take out your belt and swing it!(x3)
Humph

[To the tune of that 'ripe plantain song]
Something in meh pocket keep sticking me...
It's meh red pencil! it's meh red pencil!

[to the tune of Chutney Bachannal]
This is what it sound like,it jooking me whole time,
This is what it sound like to me...
Ouch, Ooch,Eech Ouch,!
Oooch, Ouch , Ooch Eee! (x2)

Insert next verse...

Repeat Chorus

But Alvin could go ahead and screw...
He can't stop the Convent Crew.....
Yuh know why? Yuh know why? We in the same thing too..

Chorus?
(Raise the tempo, raise the tempo, raise the tempo.)
One! Two! One ,two, three, four!
[Superblue] It's Carnival! It's Carnival!It's Bachannal! It's Bachannal!
Carnival, Carnival, Bachannal, Bachhanl, Humph!

Take out your belt and swing it!(x3)
Humph![say it like Machel]


[to bottom in the road]
If you see a girl in with a badge and a green skirt
Convent in the road.....
(forget this part)

[to Dr.Cassandra..]
I was feeling ill..so I take a turn by the sick room corner..

But the room was filled so now its back to add maths with Mr.Sylvester..
I tell him, I tell him, take the school belt, take the school belt, take out yuh school belt

[to move it to the left..]
Move it to the left aye!Move it to the left everybody!
Move itto the right1 Oye ! Move it to the right everybody!
Down south, down south,down south
Up north , up north, up north..

I sure it had a next verse/chorus too but I find I do real good. How I remember this much i doh know. I have to check with the lead singer to see if she could fill in the gaps.
But let me tell you!!! The response was UNBELIEVABLE. Up to this point the show had been a sit down ting. Can I tell you that literally everybody was on their feet. Boys, girls..TEACHERS!! Boy when ppl start to take off their school belt and wave it is then bacchanal start. You would swear it was brass festival or soca monarch.That is how bad they was getting on. I see some teachers running upstairs to the balcony for a better view. Mouths hanging open and what going on in that crowd.When people start to move to the left, that is when I start to get frighten. I say we getting detention for SURE for causing this riot. The whole courtyard was moving left, then right like it was the savannah stage.I see the umbrella for the judges collapsing, I say lawd!Needless to say we literally brought down the house.

After we performance, the next act who fight we down to close the show start to back back. They want to know how they could go on stage after us. LOLOL. By this time ppl hyped up so nobody sitting back down. They had a more traditional calypso and they ended up performing but the moment had already passed.The dance get mash up already . They must be feel like how them performers feel after Machel perform and they have to go on next. But I eh go lie, it was a huge adrenalin rush, most kicks and a memory that will certainly last a lifetime.

So wha allyuh feel, I should get back in the business or wha??

Jamette..I know yuh could definitely testify to this one! TESTIFY GIRL TESTIFY!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Beauty and the Beast

So Hottie Hottie put out this post posing yet another devil's advocate question. ..If a man is a nice person but have a ugly face would you have a serious relationship with him?
I realised that my response to this question was rather long winded and also raised some other social issues. I responded by saying No, for several reasons. Mind you I am taking 'ugly' to be someone who differs GREATLY from MY personal preferences. As they say in Trini,'Every bread have its cheese'.I don't really know how other people define ugly, I guess just generally not having flattering features or features that have been socially stereotyped and analysed as being 'acceptable'. In general none of my ex boyfriends have been stunners and I do not go seeking good looking men (or seek period, men come to me lolol).

Well firstly there is obviously the problem with physical attraction. I like to have sexual relations with my man and I can't see myself really getting that vibe if I am not physically attracted to the person. Which is going to frustrate me . I don't want to sleep with ugly people because it also opens the door to my next reason.........

Ugly kids...I hate to say it but the probability that you will have ugly kids increases significantly if one or both parties are ugly. As I commented on Hottie's site, I only want the best for my kids and the reality that we live in is that the world is not kind to ugly children or ugly people. The very thought of my child being the one who is constantly taunted for 'bat ears' or 'knock knee' is worrying to me. I wonder if I will be prepared to deal with the emotional trauma that can have on a child. My current b/f is pretty hot if I do say so myself. But we both have big heads so our kids probably will as well, but thats as bad as I can see it getting.

As I indicated on my comment on this topic, during my teenage years I was extremely insecure in my own self image. Partially because I was extremely skinny (with a big head) , I had large nipples for breasts and I had a ghastly birthmark that I constantly hid under clothes. I don't think I even owned a two piece swimsuit until I was 16 when i first played mas and probably did not even wear sleeveless tops until then. I firmly believe that the only reason I was finally able to come out of my shell and became the confident, independant person I am today is because of the attention I started getting for my looks around the same time. In my first attempt at starting a blog, I started an article which touched on this (Saucy may remember).But it was something like this...

The superficial world that we live in today was revealed to me very unexpectedly and very suddenly. Even though my liming squad in secondary school was popular, I was probably one of the quietest of the bunch. I would tell them I was teh least known of the knowns.I was also one of the most sheltered, and was not able to go out to parties etc as much as my friends and far less deal up with any man. So everyday I would go to school the same way as I did since form one, with my hair in one plait. Now I had a lot of hair which I could not comb and it was the easiest style in the world.One day in Form 4 I catch a vaps and decided to follow fashion and try something new. I corkscrewed my hair and went to school with my hair out. Hear what I say, I went simply from hair all brushed back to hair out.

So I get a few compliments from my friends and class mates but no big deal right? WRONG! Can I tell you that as I walked down the road after school , the boys are tripping over themselves. And I can tell you that is the definitive point as which my life changed. Instant superstardom. There was literally a guy who used to be my friend in primary school (the tom boy years). I used to pass him everyday walking down the road from school. He literally had said nothing to me since the day we started secondary school. That week he started saying Hello again. And everyday after that he was trying to talk to me with his friends around. All of a sudden I was a hot commodity. Can I tell you I happened to run into this same guy last week and he was still trying to hit on me ,all up in my business and asking why I not married. Want me to come to Europe to visit him (vomit). He had the audacity to comment that he had not seen me since primary school. I was going to blow him up in a nasty way but both our parents were around and I told him 'Nah man, we saw each other everyday right thru secondary school'.

I asked myself.....is this really all it boils down to? Are people really that superficial? That I change something as little as my hair instantly I am reinevented to command attention and even respect?This actually pissed me off. I had not gotten any cuter physically, I still had small breasts, my face had not changed(I never had acne or anything though) and I was still meagre.I did not change my dresscode or my attitude. I just threw away my brush (does not work for everyone please!) and voila!

One of my friends had a man on a prestige school football team so we sometimes hung out with them. I think they all had some hot man or other tracking them. What do you know..I pick up my own hot man. The guy ask my friend about who I am. Of course she was like 'What do you mean who she is...that's Diva(hahaha pre -diva), she has always been with us everyday.' The man is to tell her that he has never seen me before and that he though i transferred from another school.He can't believe he has not seen me before and is astonished by her claim. I kid you not.

So with my new found smoking good looks I found myself from having one or two geks tracking me to juggling about 5 man calling Papa Jumbie house every night. Lik ethey going competition to see who could seal the deal first. My parents were confused themselves at this drastic influx of male callers and probably a little worried. I actually had to choose between these guys.(Needless to say my choice was the biggest mistake I made in my life but I stray..)

And it was not only boys that started tap dancing but big men. I learnt very quickly that being cuter was working to my advantage. I am not a pushy person, I don't ask people for things jus for the hell of it. But I was going into stores and every where I went I was getting free stuff. Literally. Food , clothes, tings. Party free, drink free. Stores opening up just for me. And i mean people giving NOT me asking. Attendants always quick to ask if I need help.I got more tips as a waitress.
I went to Hi Lo once about 15 mins after they closed, desperate to buy a cake for my b/f birthday .I hand signalled the guard through the window to open for me as the acshiers were still working. He got up to open the door and as I tried to squeeze in the crack he made , another very large middle aged woman was right behind me looking to rush in as well. When he saw her he drew back to close the door.The lady actually became offended. She started making one set of noise outside the ppl place. Asking why the guard was going to let me in and not her,if she was not somebody too.I quietly slipped away (most pissed the woman shit up my scene)

One thing I try not to do is take advantage of such priveleges so that when I actually want something I can get it.But as the years have passed I have realised that we do indeed live in a superficial world and the more attractive your physical appearance the more vulnerable ppl become to you. They are more trusting, more willing to be of assistance. Why do you think some of the greatest con men of the world are sauve well groomed, educated ppl. Because ppl fall into what is on the outside, the image.

Ironically the benefits of being beautiful in today's world does have its downside. If I was a tv personality (Empress Diva) or a model or a sales rep or some other people orientated job I would be having a stellar career based largely on just how attractive I was. I used to be a debt collecter believe it or not and best believe I was top performer several months running. Why? Cause people paid the nice lady.

I was also blessed with a high level of intelligence so I went down the path of sciences in school and came out with a stellar engineering degree instead. Unfortunately, I have learnt that people (as superficial as they are and especially in Trinidad) cannot assimilate the fact that you can have beauty AND brains. So now I am experiencing that people ASSUME that I am stupid. Imagine that! I actually had a client express suprise that I was part of the design team since 'most engineers don't look like you'. At first I took it as a compliment but it got really annoying once I started doing much of the business of the company and ppl assumed I was my bosses' assistant (even though I am attending working meetings).

I really had to put once receptionist in her place when I arrived to see her company director regarding a confidential matter. I had briefly met her at her company social and we had small talked a little with their other Admin staff.I don't walk around with a sign on my head that says "I have a brain" or "Actually, I AM a rocket scientist" and I treat everyone equally. So I told her that the envelope I had (laid on the desk as I juggled my things) was for her boss and that I wanted to see him as he was expecting the package. She off handedly told me 'He's busy' and before I could stop her she grabbed the envelope, ripped it open and proceeded to examine the contents of the envelope. I was so horrified that the expression on my face alone said it all. She realised that she had been hasty and said "Oh , I was not supposed to open it?" but only slightly embarrassed, no apology. I was most upset and demanded that she repack my envelope. As she did so she noticed that my business card which had been paperclipped to the package was face up on her desk. As she read it, the colour drained from her face as she realised my job title. She began stammering apologies immediately.Usually I take pleasure when I catch ppl off guard like this when they realise who they dealing with but she made things worse for herself. She told me (stammering), 'I'm sorry,I thought you were just a secretary' Now WTF is that suppossed to mean??? Do I not deserve respect as a secretary? Oh am I too young and cute to be a company head honcho.I had to rough her up, "Exactly, WHAT about me made you think I was a secretary?". She fumbled again and stammered "..well..at the party ...I did not realise......". Before she could finish I cut her off and told her to let her boss know I came and walked off on her in midsentence. My boss was most annoyed as well at her treatment and palced a call to her director saying 'Please inform your staff that Ms.Diva is NOT my secretary but my right hand woman.' So I have taken the step of presenting my card to new clients as I meet them so they doh get tie up. I demand the respect from in front. Doh feel yuh dealing with no ' sorf woman here.

So in general, being cute in the world makes you way through life a bit softer if you use it to your advantage. Use I say but don't abuse. You don't need to be whoring yourself out. However , it presents challenges when you want people to respect you for your intelligence. I have taken the position that it works in my favour cause I always have the element of surprise. You would never expect what I am capable of cause you would underestimate me from my appearance. The world should be glad I did not decide to become a criminal......

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Champagne Tastes and Soft Drink Money Part Deux.

In relation to my previous post (I on a roll today) I was thinking about how these money issues will be affecting me in this Christmas into Carnival season. I eh go lie to tell you...I have champagne tastes (and soft drink money). I does get real vex in a free drinks parties. I am no big drinker but when I do drink I want to drink something I like. In free drink parties , all they want to give yuh free is rum, beer and shitty vodka. NONE of which I drink, so I does get turn off one time. Economically it makes no sense me paying $150 and up for 'free drinks' that I don't drink. Once in a while I may get lucky and go party where you get free cocktails but rarely...

If money was no option I would be drinking Moet Rose right thru..sigh. Seeing that it is, I settle for some Alize, Hypnotiq or Uncle Johnny Walker avec Le Red Bull.Of course you have to purchase all of these in 99% of parties.
So then we have all these 'all inclusive' fetes. Good for me because I actually get something I WANT to drink but really...... who the hell can afford to PAY to go all them party? Even IF I had that money to burn, I would never eat,drink and shit my money's worth. So herein lies the catch 22.....go cheap parties and buy drinks I like, or go expensive parties and eat and drink as much as I like.How you think I does feel when somebody offer to buy me a drink in the ZEN and they drinking STAG and all I want is Hypnotiq or Johnny??Well if they so chupid to offer.....lololol.
Past few years my solution has been to try and get in free to as many all inclusives I can and then pay for those I can't. My success rate as varied significantly over the years. One year I paid to go NOWHERE and was in every dance, sometimes I am forced to pick the few I really want to go to and pay. Who knows what next year will bring....

At the same time, you want best kit to go in every dance. I like to have something new for each party. Not everything in the kit have to be new..but at least a new top. After all...I am a Diva!Carnival wardrobe budget..something else I have failed to prepare for. Right now I hoarding a 3 outfit there in my cupboard and everytime I have to go out I 'saving it for Carnival'. And doh feel I am a bad budgeter. I can tell you exactly where every CENT of my money has gone. I am obsessive compulsive about my financial mangement software, I save every receipt. It is not unusual to see me staring at my comp for hours trying to figure out where that $20 went.

Unfortunately I am also a shopaholic. Everybody has their vice...mine just happens to be shopping. Thing is, I don't spend blindly, but I am what I call a 'superswiper' and a 'best shopper'. Superswiper because I love to Linx and Credit Card purchases. Best Shopper because I only buy things that I think are a good or reasonable price. This is probably a blessing because I think I would be even more in debt if I was a super swiper with no restraint. But the best shopper charateristic still has its limits....As a best shopper I may not buy a pair of jeans for $450 in stinkin' Jebelle when I know its $20US. However if I see a evening gown in Micles and it was $2000 and reduced to $1000 I might buy it cause its a good discount and price for the item. I get myself in trouble occasionally when I find myself rationalising the cost of an expensive item. For instance, I bought a dress in Peter Elias recently for like $900 (super swipe).

RATIONALISED:Well this is actually the first time in my life I am actually making a salary where I can even consider making a purchase like this on my own.Oh my god, its gorgeous. Well I have two wedding to go to, one overseas so I can wear it to both. That works out to $450 per wedding which is reasonable.No one will look as hot as me in this dress etc...

Another time I was walking through the mall talking on the phone and literally choked when I saw a pair of shoes in my favourite colour in the store window. My friend on the line thought I had an asthma attack. In the rare occasion I see something that gives me such a reaction I usually buy it..regardless of how expensive it is. This one set me back $600. I have never in life bought any pair of shoes that cost that much but I HAD TO HAVE IT!!

I definitey need to re-evaluate my priorities if I am going to get thru this season.Sigh only time will tell. I need to win the Lotto.

Champagne Tastes and Soft Drink Money Part 1

I am going to play devil's advocate for a little while here......

I tell allyuh already that I does be overbusy in work so while taking my 16 min lunch I stopped into Ellerslie Plaza. One of my regular haunts is Panini Cafe which I frequent for no other reasons other than they move pretty quickly, they in a convenient location for me and what they make tastes good. If you don't know about this establishment they try to be a italian themed coffee shop/ bistro. They make paninis which is a fancy word for sandwich. They also make crepes (fancy pancakes with fruit) , serve espresso and cappuccinos (fancy coffee), salads and fruit smoothies. They also sell an array of fancy cheesecakes and tiramisu (yum!). They also happen to have a sister store in MovieTowne which sell the same things with fancier names (the cheescake place nah). So its not to far fetched to say their prices are above average "fast food". A special on their board today advertised a smoked salmon salad at $55 and a crab(imitation!!) wrap at $35. Well I certainly don't eat there everyday and when I do, I order one of the paninis which is about $22 (if i want fancy bread is a extra $10). By the time you get a drink too yuh bill is almost always over $40. The place actually selling Perrier water (fancy schmancy water). Their clientele from what I have seen consists mostly of 'white' house wives and working professionals (mostly white) who always look like they walk out a magazine and foreigners (guess what..white). Many times I find myself being the token coloured person. I actually got turned off of them recently because I notice that a certain attendant (black) always seems to serve the "white" customers waiting to order first. I thought it was my imagination untill one of her co workers started pointing out to her the correct order. The owner is a Syrian and also seems to attend to her peoples first i.e the customers she knows who also happen to be ........ok then.

Well there is a reason for all that background.... Imagine my surprise when as I was sitting waiting on my food , a middle aged East Indian woman rather disheveled walked in with her daughter (about 12) and walked right up to me and asked me to get them something to eat. I don't like to see people go hungry but I honestly did not have a dollar in my wallet to give her. Aside from which I am a poor suffering soul who doh know how anybody Christmas present buying far less a Carnival Costume.So I apologised and sent her on her way. I observed as she went to ALL the other (white) people in the place and asked them for the same. They all turned her down. By this time I am wondering how she could be so bold face to actually come inside a store and go to everyone and beg in full view of the staff. Well she then amazed me further when she went directly to the staff and asked if she could get something to eat. The staff member was a bit taken aback at first but I saw that eventually she was brought out some paninis of some sort. The lady and her child then took a seat in the people bougie store and had her panini and at times even got the waitress to bring her more water.

Now, I not trying to be bad (insert devil's advocate here) but as I observed this unfolding I got to thinking.... As a person begging, how this woman have the tenacity to come in such a uptown place and ask ppl to purchase food. Don't misunderstand what I saying, she free to go where she please. My point is, as a sufferer why would you go into a store which sells expensive food and ask someone to purchase something for you from THAT store. People might be willing to purchase uptown food for themselves but they not going to buy a $50 salad to a person begging. Thats just impractical. As a person begging..why the hell would I want a chicken caesar salad or a wrap ANYWAY?She could have get food for tomorrow and all if she had gone by Pecos or Kamwah. When I eat there, I do so on a budget (never had the salmon wrap). What sort of credibility do you have as a sufferer if you ask for a salmon wrap and a cappucino to go? .You know how much KFC you can get for that? Thats like if I taken up a collection of food for a poor family and say "they eh like Peardrax so send some Johnny Walker instead". NAH ! I sorry , I find that woman real out of timin' especially when she have children to feed. One of the reason I buy that panini is cause its a nice small size when you just want something to "tide" you over untill you get home to eat mummy lunch. What she really feel she doing for her children by savouring the dijon mustard?

I tried to look at it on the flip side....Maybe she did not know hat kind of food they sell. MAYBE she see lots of white ppl and decided that in this place ppl have money so they would be more likely to buy her something. Ok fine. But I still think she would have had a better shot if she had asked the people exiting from the store to get something by Marios. I wonder if she would have gotten anything at all if the owner was around at the time. Even if she got the food, I doubt the owner would have let her take a seat of a paying customer and have the waitress give her full service.

I asked my mom what she thought. Her first response is that the woman was just mad. Then she thought about it more and said the woman probably did not even realise the type of place she was in. At that point she just knew that she was hungry and that she wanted food. And really, for all I know the woman may have been illiterate and could not even read the menu (but I would think she know numbers). My mom being the godly woman she is, pointed out that we all have opportunities to reach out to ppl and do a good deed and many times we choose not to. In hindsight, I probably could have told her to lewwe go by Marios or China Palace. I have a feeling I may have been the only person in there who would have actually considered doing that but unfortunately for the lady, I have spent the entire week agonising about my own money issues and have been ridiculously miserly all week.I usually buy lunch daily but this week only bought twice (including today) BY FORCE and bought cheaply.When she approached me, my reflex reaction was that I doh know how i getting till pay day as is and so she got brace one time. I may not be as bad off as her in reality but she got the short end of the stick. So what allyuh think about that woman boy? Mad, suffering or just have champagne tastes?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Robocop in Sando

So by now allyuh realise that I does kinda stick during the week with the posts. Its cause I does be so busy in work I can't catch myself. But I had to take some time out to vent this afternoon.

My boss in his wisdom decides he is going to send me on a mission to Gulf City Mall in South Trinidad today. I protested saying that since I from "tong' I never drive myself there in my life and have actually only seen the place about a total of 5 times so I don't know my way around.Ok , doh laugh, yuh know how we 'tong ppl' find anywhere past the lighthouse is 'far'. The very thought of the San Fernando interchange terrifies me cause nobody does ever seem to know where they going. So we flipped a coin on it , I lost.

Alrighty then, grudgingly I get my stuff together and let him know I will be taking my time , might as well do some Christmas shopping right?Ok so I know HOW to get there, its just that damn INTERCHANGE!!! Before I knew it ...there it loomed before me...Inevitably I made a wrong turn, got into the wrong filter lane and ended up God knows where. But I did not panic. Long time I might of ,but while I was in school abroad I went on several "missions to unknown lands" and kind of got over my fear of getting lost. In the states if you make a wrong exit, all you have to do it make two right turns and you back on the interstate. In the states you have GPS and Mapquest!!!! Whoever was the GENIUS that designed that interchange needs to be stripped naked and hung from the same said overpass...it makes absolutely no sense and makes a simple process extremely over complicated.

So I cut across an intersection, casually call my b/f and let him know I am wondering around San Fernando quite to his amusement, he was of no help. I see an opportunity to get back on the interchange but I could not make a U-turn where I was so I took a right intending to go onto the side street and double back. I pull into the first business place on the right and proceeded to turn the car around. As I came out of the turn a man walking on the side of the road brings to my attention that the road is a one way . shit! A next thing I can't understand in Sando..why is every fricking thing one way??

Well with all the asshole drivers in Trini , once I was facing the wrong way no one was giving me a chance to turn around. I was not even in the road!! I was just pulled to the side but in the wrong direction. So I manage to turn the car. Well then the man who gave me the heads up start to wave again and while I asking him what he saying , i see a police van pull up in front of me. Well I guess that is what he was trying to tell me but I was really not too bothered cause by that time I was facing the right direction.I did not even think that they were looking to stop me but I needed directions anyhow. I actually spoke to the officer first. So the officer comes out the car and ask me if I know if its a one way (Nah, I just like to drive up one ways on a lunch time ). But I was looking super cute today so I batted my eyelids and said "Officer ,I'm so sorry, I'm from 'tong, I just catch myself and turn around, can you please tell me the right way to get to the overpass '. Well like he was smitten one time and start to rattle off directions.

Well boy, all of a sudden a man bawling behind me and asking If i want to cause accident. When I look I see a next officer who I assume was his superior cause he had a big pot belly. So I very calmly repeat myself to big belly about how I end up so . He starts ranting and raving about how I almost catch my death and I causing accident etc etc. How I could do that at a standstill or facing in the CORRECT direction I doh know...So I tell him that I was not "driving" down the road,that excatly where I was parked was the carpark where I turned the car to face the wrong way and where I turned to face the right way. I had made no movement in either direction along the road. He start to carry on about If i eh see the one way sign. Well I had to ask , which one way sign. The man showing me a sign about 100m up the road. I say, horse, If the sign is 100m from the corner, and i make a wrong turn 2 m from a corner how I supposed to know if its a one way??Should they not be a sign at the CORNER. He telling me ignorance is not an excuse, license and registration. He can't go P.O.S and drive the wrong way.I still not thinking is a ticket he looking to give me cause I know I eh drive down the road. The next fella giving me directions while he checking the info.

Big belly is to then hand me a ticket for $200 !!!! WTF!! I was like oh hells no. He still getting on too eh. I tell him I doh know why he making all that noise cause I never say I was in the right. I was just trying to explain that I made an understandable mistake concerning the fact that I doh know where I going and the street is not labelled properly. And for that reason he should just give me a warning. The first officer eh saying a word , at one point he whisper to me ' just calm yuhself nuh I will drive and you will follow me to where you going'.You could tell he realised i was being honest and genuinely was not playing taxi. Big belly then want to tell me about if I doh want to pay it I could go to court next February. I getting more mad cause I never rail up and tell the man I did not do anything and get on bad, I was talking normal and just explaining myself. I never tell him I did not want to pay or who my father was as most Trinis do in situation such as this. But the man getting on like he eh get laid last night.

After he finish rail up, I ask him, 'You getting on and saying my ignorance is not an excuse, but yet how is you giving me this ticket helping me?" He offered no assistance to resolve my situation.I still eh know where I going!!! Well you know the next CHUPID thing about Trini is that if the offence is in South you have to pay in South you cyar pay in town. So if I can't find my way to the mall how the ass I finding my way to the Courthouse?Well again my young officer tell me I could get someone to pay on my behalf. At least if he had give me the ticket I may not have been so annoyed cause he was still trying to render assistance and give me options.

Well you might wonder why I more vex if I really started to do the wrong thing. Well 'start' is the operative word. I righted myself before I caused any harm or endangered anyone.I eh try and U'turn in the middle of the road but in a carpark. What REALLY get me is that as I am following the officer to find my way, he waved me down to pull up next to him and gave me proper instructions. I thanked the nice officer and pulled ahead and stopped at a light with them behind me. When I look in the rear view,I see big belly jump out the car and walking in the intersection and then waved the officer to come.I could not believe what I saw next. And I doh fault the young officer but his waste of time mentor. He instructed the officer to drive into ONCOMING traffic ,not just on the lane next to me but on the road running perpendicular to mine where the light was green. Meaning ,as he made the right turn he ended up on the lane closer to me. As he overtook me and bend the corner he nearly ran head on into a van that was speeding along the road, cut into a turning lane of traffic and cut across the median.The man did not even put on his siren.

Hol' on , Ho'l on, he did not JUST give me a ticket for that?? He did not JUST tell me he can't come P.O.S and do that? You see why officers in this country gets no respect?? A set of grand charge all the time and no integrity, no sort of "lead by example" attitude. Its was not an emergency and yet they are breaking the law that he just chastise me for unwittingly bending.STEUPS .Bun out Babylon yes.

BTW Where they was when I see the man going the wrong way around the SAVANNAH Saturday?? Yes!!! The savannah i say. The man thought the maraval /lady chancellor filter lane was a round a bout!! Well in sight of St.Clair police station! Buh the thing not even round! And I go kill ppl??So I may not know certain streets in Sando one way but WHIO in Trinidad doh know the Savannah one way??!!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Curry Tabanca

Well how about my mother come and tell me something yesterday that had me wanting to go down by the Red House with a piece of Bristol Board and a broom stick. She went and buy some doubles by Brooklyn Bar in Woodbrook and the man tell her a doubles is $2.50!!!!!WTF!!!!NAH! THAT IS maaaadness in this place.What gone up that doubles gone up Jus so?The last time it went up flour and ting went back down after the increase and they never decrease it.If allyuh read about Eyes Wide Shut allyuh might have an idea about how I love my doubles. Especially during a party when I drinking. You will only catch me drinking more than one drink when it have doubles in a party. I not waiting till after either..I yamming down in the dance, I doh business when it come to my belly. I mean since I move from working in downtown P.O.S I doh buy doubles as often but last time I check which was about last month it was still $2.00.

So government increase duty on alcohol so all them all inclusive go be over expensive but allyuh go interfere with my doubles too??Doubles is the party food staple!! NAH ! I not taking that!You know how much it go cost for a promoter to give a 5000 ppl free doubles???!! And yuh know they not eating one, they packing bag to go.So in protest of this montrosity and in celebration of the during party/after party doubles run, I shall now give pointers of how to know when the doubles man in the party is a bessss doubles.

  1. The doubles man have condiments like Richard's Bake and Shark. He doh have jus pepper, he have tamarind, kuchela, cucumber and mango. (buh i telling yuh!)
  2. The bara is a consistency such that all doh run off the paper and down yuh hand as yuh get it and it not so thick that it look like baby shit.
  3. It doh taste like baby shit.
  4. You recognise the doubles man in the dance as one of the "bes doubles man" yuh does patronise regular. (see my top 5 picks below)
  5. The doubles man have "assistants", one man to get the drinks, one man to get the money and one man to bag.
  6. The line long WHOLE NIGHT (cause if it was bad ,the word would spread before long) and it have man who stand up next to the doubles man WHOLE NIGHT saying "One more with slight"
  7. It have a man who coming and drop off fresh bara throughout the night.
  8. Doubles done before party done.
  9. The doubles man wrapping like Liam Teague playing 'Hands of Lightning' on a steelpan.
  10. The doubles man is a doubles Woman.
  11. The doubles man have a drive thru and call ahead pick up.(I tellin yuh!yuh doh believe me?)
  12. And most importantly ......after yuh eat about 5 and take home, it doh give yuh diarrhea or have yuh hugging up the toilet bowl the next day.

Ok so I telling allyuh one time,I from tong'. So I only really know about tong' doubles.( For you slow ones P.O.S). I have taken a turn up to Doubles Central (Curepe) a few times "jus for doubles" but was too long ago and too few a time to qualify me as a expert.So i go just give my top for tong' Doubles.

  1. The man with the yellow tent outside Nelson Exchange. He does only work when he feel like fus' he makin money.Bes' condiments
  2. The woman in Royal Castle car park on Frederick St. (Uptown). She have a drive thru and real assistant.
  3. The man at the corner of Cipriani Blvd and Tragarete Rd. (After the 51 done nah). This is different from the man who does be right downstairs 51. I hear the original doubles man here make so much money he migrate and leave the business to he family. So they say....
  4. Outside Brooklyn Bar x 2!!Now I hear this is how the story go. The man and his wife used to sell bes' doubles together. They mash up and then set up two doubles stand side by side. Both is bes' doubles but I hear the wife have the edge.I tend to agree.
  5. The man right downstairs 51.Give him props for product placement

Honorable mention:

  1. The man down the road from Kappa Drugs,St.James near Roxy .
  2. The man outside Long Circular Mall. Now I a little iffy about him, I only had like one time.But everybody say he is a bes' doubles. It does concern me a little that the man does sell doubles WHOLE DAY and WHOLE NIGHT. I have been told that he have someone who drops off bara/supplies during the day and is not just one set he come with. So they say...

Alright so allyuh write allyuh representative and protest the doubles increase. Lewwe organise a petition or something. If it have any doubles conisseurs who want to rank East and South Feel free!Bless!

OH and big up visitor 1000! I giving yuh a "P' to spell "PEN" since I doh have a HOUSE to give away like TSTT.

Dermablend Correct Application

I hear some people fighting down my best product for concealing serious skin blemishes. Well my response to that is that you are probably applying it wrong! So I was blessed today with this email from the company giving exact directions for corect application of the product. Click on link for Correct Application for Dermablend Products

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Bikini Bottoms

Well I can't believe that after my post on "To wax or not to wax" I actually FORGOT to update my blog on my adventures in waxing. So before I went on vacation I called my aesthician and booked an appointment for a full head to toe wax. Eyebrows, top lip (cause you know I paranoid), legs and bikini. I sealed my fate when I told her "I'm going all the way!..In the interest of science of course." Meaning of all I was going to take the plunge and take the full brazillian. Everything was coming off.

Well maybe it was such not a great idea to try and do everything in one sitting lol.By the time she got ready to do the bikini area I had take nuff pull already.In addition to which I had let things grow out quite a bit which was also probably not a great idea in hindsight.Like I was not paying attention in waxing school cause I forgot that the longer /thicker the hair, the more it hurts. Seeing that I had to do an emergency bikini shave sometime before I had both problems. On the other hand, when its longer the finish is much smoother as you get all the little hairs that would otherwise now be growing out.Well I had to keep the small talk going at a mile a minute to distract myself. But overall ,it was not as bad as I thought it would be even when she got to the nether regions. I think I inadvertently made it harder on myself by letting it grow out as long as I did.

So I took one for the team and can tell you all you can deal with it!! My threshold for pain is very low. I did make one unforgivable mistake...I forgot to walk with my loofah on vacation which my aesthician directly instructed me to do. So for that week I was not exfoliating and I thought I got away with it.... only to see some ingrowns trying to rear their ugly heads much later on. I am busy doing remedial works to try and save myself from futher discomfort. Remember , the loofah is your friend!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Eyes Wide Shut or Sleepwalking?

So I go to "Eyes Wide Shut" put on by "The Comission".I was not too enthused to go in the first place. I was a little under the weather and quite broke but I gave it the college try nonetheless. Over the past few "Eyes Wide Shut' I have always had something come up around the same time be it other commitments or lack of money thereof. I actually thought I was missing this one as well as it was supposed to have been on the 28th Oct and was moved to this past weekend.I went to their Carnival fete this year which was plagued by torrential downpours all night.I was not amused when I saw the weather was shaping up to be almost as bad. I was further not amused when I heard it was in Mobs2.I don't like that venue, one because its not covered and two because its up in Chaguaramas (which we all know is traffic hell if more than one thing is happening that night). But I had already paid my money so I was stuck.

Well all the reviews I have gotten from friends about their parties have always been good. But honestly it was just ok. Not great, just ok. Thankfully it was on the concrete patio.First thing I noticed was that it was incredibly hot. How it is possible to have an open air venue and feel like you in Coconuts when the air con not working is beyond me.They did not seem to have anywhere blocked off but dear God, ask anyone, I was boiling. Overall it was very bouge, very social. You really had to get drunk (as most ppl did) to really enjoy yourself, otherwise you would be hot and bothered and bored. Music was definitely not the best so vybez was intermittent to say the least.It had people but was not over packed.

So what did I get for $250 ($350 for men!)? Nothing I doh have home in my house for free. So I rate the 'free' doubles only cause its the woman from Royal Castle carpark on Frederick St who have it bessss'.I gone by the bar and I was not thrilled on seeing generic Angostura Crap. Now doh get me wrong, I love my bitters as much as the next Trini but if I pay $250 I want to see Johnny Walker not stinking Dewars (12 or otherwise).So No Johnny, I was not amused. Further unamused when I see a bottle of Johnny pouring behind the bar half way through the night.So how some people getting Johnny and I not??HMMM !!! So I have to ASK for Johnny?? By this time I was already to sweaty and irritated to even pursue the matter.But its bullshit all the same.

They had Haagen Dazs and bake and shark but I did not partake. I see the woman with the Moet set up with a nice table. For her to tell me $400/bottle. RIIIGHT like I does walk with $400 cash to a party I pay $250 to get in. Like who does that??Money to burn yes.I love champagne to eh, but I thought It would have been free for that money.I lose off of them with that one. Other than that , I did not see any more sponsors in the dance, other than Benson & Hedges. And I really was not rating the party overall more because I kinda compared it to Black Velvet's 'Bourgeois' party a few weeks before and for $300 it was the bomb. They had a wide selction of food (doubles,wings,bake and shark,geera pork,pastries etc), Haagen Daz, chocolate fountain with strawberries, triniscene giving yuh picture as you come in and FREE MOET!!! And it was flowing for almost the entire night. Comparitively, Black Velvet did better for the buck.

From the rave reviews I expected more and was somewhat disappointed.Glad I did not waste the hot outfit I was planning to wear and threw something else together.Everyone I know who said it was fun was very drunk.That to me does not really make a party.Some who were drunk still thought it was shit. Well now I know to follow my mind and keep my money in my pocket till Carnival season really start.

Can't forget though....Children of the 80's anyone?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Back to the Future..and reality

So my little honeymoon in Jamaica is over and it was great. I was a little hesistant to return to reality.I was quickly reminded that my vacation was over the moment I stepped on the plane and was accosted by a woman who insisted that I was in her seat.Doh mind she was only now boarding on our first stop over and I had been in the seat for the past two hours.I have always hated window seats, even as a child. I was never raptured with the sights outside the window, I just want to be able to go pee when I want to without having to crawl over people. So,I was in 12C(aisle which i specifically requested)and she had 12A (window).For some reason she seemed overly delighted that she would be getting to kick someone out of her seat.She started bad right there. She was still arguing when I had to break down the little diagram overhead to show her where the window was and the stick man was in relation to her seat number. The idiot had the audacity to continue arguing with me and say that the "window" in the diagram was not the window of the plane. Exactly which other window it was supposed to represent is a mystery to me.

At this point I lost my "No problem man" newfound Jamaican attitude and became a WTF Trini angry black woman. So I had to tell her that if I wanted a window seat I would have picked one a month ago when I booked my ticket and then I reinforced the breakdown of the diagram "This is you, this is the window, this is 12A, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP." So my idiot radar was on full alert at this point when we landed at the next stop and a woman began chatting on her cell phone literally as the wheels of the plane touched down.We were still mashing brakes from the landing and she was talking most normally. Why they allow some people to have passports ...I have no idea.

Needless to say the whole "healthy eating" went out the window while on vacation when everytime I orderd jerk chicken I got a portion of fries.By the end of the week I was sick of Jamaican food and just wanted KFC and Burger King. Exercise went out the window unless you count climbing Dunn's River falls and two dutty wine (lol jus kidding, I don't have a death wish!). Shortly after I got home I started working out my expenses and realised quite quickly that I was officially broke.Worse yet I get paid on the last day of the month which means that I have one salary before the end of the year to buy Christmas presents,pay that credit card I nearly max out,party for the season, service my car and basically live. I need to win the lotto.Sigh so much for actually paying for that gym membership.And I still have not paid anything further on my carnival costume!I put myself further in a hole by telling my friends I would go to "Eyes Wide Shut" with them which is a cool $250.Sigh.

Please note contributions to my Carnival Fund are welcome. I accept cash and credit cards.